As I pulled the stick from between my pale legs, it still dripping with urine, my anxiety sprouted ‘Please be negative, please be negative…Please!’ I thought to myself, it had been just over a month since my last period, and my last sexual encounter with my ex boyfriend, I still loved him even if he had pretty much ruined my life. It felt like years that I had spent in that bathroom, just staring at the most unholy plus sign I had ever seen “Its fucking positive!” I cry. I used to dream of becoming pregnant with his baby, we had everything planned out, names, where we’d live and so forth; everything would’ve been perfect, had things not gone down the way they had.
I slowly stood up, flush and leave the bathroom, where my best friend of all best friends is waiting for the verdict. I look at her, tears filling my green eyes “Oh no” she whispers as she shakes her head and hugs me tight. We walk into my bedroom; I collapse on my bed “Do I tell him? He doesn’t want anything to do with me...How would I tell him, if I chose to?” I say covering my face and holding back the almost inevitable tears. “We can sort that later, are you keeping it, Sophie?” she says, lying next to me, her arm around me.
“I-I don’t know.” I begin as I jolt up “I can’t abort it, I mean, I’m pro-choice but I can’t its my baby.” I say looking back at her “However, I cannot be a single mother, nor can I handle the problems this baby with cause me” I say, my voice breaking as I fail to force back tears. “Look Sophie, You’re 17, far too young to take care of new life, alone or with him” she says raising a very good point “We need to tell him urgently. Hand me my phone.” I demand.
She did so, her hand shaking, I take it and my stomach drops, and I feel like I’m about to throw up. I continue, unlocking it and getting his contact up “Shithead” I laugh as I press call. I take a deep breath, trying to stop the now hurricane that is destroying my stomach, fuck you anxiety.
“The fuck you want, Sophie?” He says, angrily
“I need to see you, its urgent. Please Thomas.” I say pleading to his decent side, if he still had one
“Why? What’s in it for me? You know my mum would kill me if I went to see you” He says, pointing out the obvious
“Can I tell you when I see you? I’d rather do it in person” I gulp, trying not to vomit as my lunch comes back up from beyond the grave
“Fine, Cemetery?” he asks, our old fucking grounds
“Yeah, that's fine, be there in 10” I hang up and collapse on the floor.
The big reveal at the end of all ends
I see him, his curly hair, his stocky body and his stupid faces “Hey Sophie, what was it you needed to tell me, so urgently?” he asks looking confused and a little worried. “Hey Thomas, I’m just going to come right out and say it… I’m pregnant and its yours” I say biting my lip and handing him the stick in a zip back “Oh shit” he says, putting his head in his hands “This can’t happen, you must get rid of it, Sophie” He says breaking down “I can’t, I seriously can’t. That’s not an option, and you know why” I say offering a hug to him.
We hug, he squeezes me tight and begins to mumble a question of sorts “Well, I guess we need to get back together, huh?” I stand there, unsure of what to say, for the longest time I’ve wanted him to want me back, this is not how I pictured it.
We walked to back to my house it had been months since Sophie had been around, and I’d missed having her around, oh so much. We stood at the front door “This can wait, Thomas…” she said placing her hand on my shoulder “No, we need to do this now, because if not now I’m afraid I’ll never do it” I says looking at her, obviously anxious about what my mother would do to me, or Sophie when he finds out. I unlock the door and we walk in, she stands behind me, obliviously scared “Mum?” I call out; you can hear the anxiety in my voice. “What’s up Thomas?” she says, leaning her head around the door from the kitchen “What is SHE doing here?!” Sophie hides even more behind me as her voice booms, “I, Oh Uh I mean, we have something to tell you”
We walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, I took a deep breath, again feeling so anxious my stomach felt like a sandstorm. Sophie and I hold hands, squeezing tight, “Mum, I know you won’t like this, but I want, I need to be with Sophie again.” I hear myself say, preparing to get slapped, all she does is death stare Sophie, “I-I’m pregnant, and its Thomas’ baby.” I look straight at Sophie, then back at my mother just waiting for the worst fight in the history of this household. “How could this happen? I thought I told you, you couldn’t see HER.” She screeches, I sighed, “I guess nothing could keep us apart.” I say squeezing her hand even tighter. “I am so sorry, but we just didn’t know what else to do, and Thomas was dead set on telling you first.” Sophie speaks up looking at me, smiling slightly before turning back to my mum, Karina. “Well, have you thought of the alterative option, I mean it would be best” she says, Sophie shakes her head, looking down “Its our baby, I can’t give it up – can’t you understand why?” I say appealing to her sensitive side “Well, are you two in a emotional state to stay together to keep the baby? I mean, you know my feelings on this thing Thomas” she continues, “Does your dad know, Sophie?” she asks
I shake my head, and look down, “Only you, Thomas and Clara know” She takes a deep breath and sighs, “Well, then. What’s your plan?” Karina asks, putting her hand on her forehead.
“Not a clue, we were hoping you knew what we should do,” I say, sighing and leaning into Thomas for extra support.
“Thomas, what about Emmie?” she asks, as Thomas looks at her as though his mother has just shown me his baby photos.
I get up and leave the room, walking in an almost trance like state into the bathroom, locking the door. I collapse on the floor, against the door, I barely feeling the piercingly cold tiles “no” I whisper. ‘How could he? How could he move on from being ‘in love’ with me so quickly...? And with her!’ “That bitch!” I say as I slam my head against the door.
Heartbreak, worse than any other
I wake up for school, feeling like absolute shit and just wanting to roll over and go back to sleep, at least dad’s taking me today.
I roll from my warm, comfortable bed and put on my favourite hoodie, my skinny jeans and converse boots, the jumper hangs off of me, perfectly.
I leave my room and the house. ‘How am I meant to tell my dad?’ I ask myself, realising I hadn’t even told him I was sexually active.
I see him, exactly where he always is’ working on that stupid car. “Hey dad” I say, leaning slightly on the side of the car
“Hey Soph, what’s up?” he asks, wiping the oil and dirt from his brow.
“Dad, remember that one time I woke up at 2am in the morning and got you to go to the store for chocolate and deep fried chicken feet? Yeeeeah, I’m pregnant. Food cravings you see?” I say, trying to use comedy to make his reaction less brutal.
He says nothing, nothing at all; I suddenly feel something hard collide with the side of my face. As I am flung backwards on to the hard concrete floor of my garage, I crawl away, my heart pounding. He had struck me, me his own daughter!
“Either get an abortion, or never, and I mean NEVER come back.” His voice booms and breaks.
I can see not only the disappointment but also the pain in his eyes.
Blood, Spit and tears, High School
I arrive at school, my face slightly bruised from the earlier fight with my dad.
I spot Whitney and Abigail who are my two old best friends and Emmie, Thomas’ new whore.
“SOPHIIEEEE” I hear a familiar and a soothing voice call as I felt someone wrap their arms around me; it was my best friend Timothy. Followed by my other best friend Clara who slowly caught up with me. “Hey guys!” I say, smiling slightly, the bruise stung, bad.
“Okay, What the fuck happened to your face?” Timothy asked, his fits collides with his hand “I’ll kill ‘em!” he continues.
I look at Clara, sadly. She nods and we sit down. “Timothy, I have something to tell you...” I say, shaking a little, he looks both concerned and interested in what I have to say “I’m Pregnant.” I say, my heart pounding as I wait for him too, to say what everyone else had. ‘Get an abortion’ the one thing I am not even considering doing.
“H-How? You aren’t even dating anyone…” He asked, not understanding that sex can happen regardless of a relationship status.
“Thomas and I had sex last month and well, I guess we have a big uh-oh.” I say, looking over to see Thomas being all cuddly with Emmie. ‘Lucky bitch’ I thought to myself.
Timothy didn’t say anything; he just looked over at Thomas with a deathly glare; one I had seen him give shifty guys many times before.
‘Brrrrgg’ the bell goes for home room, we get up and begin walking, having a causal conversation about what had happened to my face earlier and what we were going to do on the weekend, as we walk we pass Thomas, Emmie, Whitney and Abigail, suddenly, I feel a force jolt me forward from behind, Emmie had pushed me over, my head connects with the wall “Ah Fuck.” I cry out as I feel a heavy flow of blood coming from my nose. Abigail and Whitney laugh “First flow you’ve seen in a while, huh slut?” she says, the others laugh harder. I get up, look at Thomas, disappointed in him for not stopping this, or standing up for the mother of his baby as I walk inside the building and into the ladies bathroom.
Clara follows me inside, while Timothy stands outside, so Emmie doesn’t come in to finish me off “I want to shove a broomstick up her arse, fuck” I say, leaning my head back with a tissue over my nose, trying to stop what seemed like an endless flow of blood “Don’t, eventually her harlot ways will catch up and her nudes will probably go up ‘round the school.” Clara laughs, getting more tissues.
I laughed, a lot harder than I probably have in a long time, or at least since Thomas and I broke things off. As I’m laughing, Whitney and Abigail enter the bathroom. I overhear the end of their, dim-witted convocation, if it can be called that “Why can’t she just rump in a frozen lake?” Abigail commented,
“Why don’t YOU jump in a frozen lake?” Clara replied, her thick, Harry Potter style glasses move down her nose has she snarls that the dim-witted barbies.
I noticed that Sophie was in good hands with Clara, now it was time to teach Thomas, a lesson for using my beautiful Sophie.
“Hey, fuckwitt” I say, pushing him up against the locker, even if he is like a foot or so taller than me.
He laughed, “What the fuck do you want, shortass?” he asked, just igniting my fire of hate even more
“I’m here to teach you a lesson for what you did to Sophie” I say, my heart pounding. He says nothing, just glares at me, “Fuck off pipsqueak” He says as his fist collides with my face, I am flung onto the gross floor
I had Psychology with Clara and Timothy, “Timo, you’re an idiot.” I say, slightly laughing at his black eye “You should’ve known better than to try and fight Thomas” Clara adds. He stares at us, with his one good eye; he mutters something, although it is hard to understand what the hell he is saying because of the cotton in his mouth to stop the bleeding. “Sophie?” Ms Mills asked, as she waddled over to my desk, “Can you please go and see if Mr Sunder as any of the cords for the projector?” She asks, handing me a note, “Of course Miss,” I say as I leave the room.
As I walked out of the room, I bumped into him, with his curly hair and huggable-ness “Hey” he says, looking down at me, his beautiful eyes met mine “Hi.” I say, trying to pull away. “Look, I uh, I don’t think this is going to work out, Emmie wants-“ I cut him off “Emmie? Still banging my ex best mate, even though you’ve got me all to your-fucking-self? Fucking typical” I look up at him, the sadness and anger radiates in my eyes, and I’ve already killed him with my lazar beam eyes, at least twenty times now. “You’re despicable.” I say, crossing my arms “I’m sorry, but Emmie wants me to take her to the formal, and I can’t do that and be with you.” He says, his hand gently touching my bruised face and for a second, a split second I fell for him again, the old memories of us staying together at his place, the nights we spent just, cuddling and watching movies and the days we spent battling each other on Pokémon Alpha Ruby and Omega Sapphire. “How can you say you loved me, and yet when I need you most you chose someone else over me?” I mumble, as my shattered heart drops into the pit of my stomach and I can feel my eyes begin to water, just at the thought of losing him for good. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and just looks into my eyes, before kissing my forehead and walking back to wherever it was he had to go, and I completed my task before wondering back to class, again being stopped by Emmie, “Hey girl!” she says, her perky voice was irritating, and I wondered how I’d put up with it for so long before the shit hit the fan. “What?” I ask, glaring at her “I just thought I’d let you know that he’s mine, and he hates you.” She says, smiling, almost gloating at her new ‘prize’. I walked back to my psychology, handed the cords for the projector to the teacher and sat back, at my desk with Timothy and Clara.
A Shockwave of Heartache
‘I don’t fuck with you, I don’t fuck with you’ my phone goes off, I lean over and answer, “The fuck you want? It’s 3am.” I say, wiping the sleep from my eyes “Thomas, its Clara. Have you heard from Sophie in the last, couple hours?” Clara asks, her voice sounds panicked “I’ve been asleep since like, 8, lemme check” I say as I put her on loudspeaker and check my texts
1 new message – My Little Princess (Sophie) 10:45pm
My heart stops as I quickly turn off loudspeaker and give my verdict “Yeah, she texted me at 10:45, why?” I ask, as my heart begins to pound harder than it ever has before
“I don’t know how to tell you this Thomas but, She’s missing, has been since this afternoon, and you’re the only one she’s tried to contact.” She says, you can hear her voice cracking, like she’s about to breakdown in tears.
“What do you want me to do about it?” I say, rubbing my forehead
“What does her text say?” she asks, hopeful that it gives a hint to where the fuck Sophie is.
This may be the last message I ever send you, and I’m sorry.
We met a few days after my last relationship ended and right away, I fell hard for you, even if I didn’t know it yet and its obvious there was something that pulled us together, things were hard from the start with me not being over my ex boyfriend and you were kind enough to let me vent to you, until I was. It’s true, that I would’ve gone to the ends of the earth for you, and stood by you no matter the cost. I just hope Emmie treats you the same, and knows exactly what she has.
Have you noticed there’s some underlying ‘glue’ of sorts that keeps us together, like no matter how much we want to hate each other, we can’t, I know you have hated me and wanted to punch me, but why did that feeling go away, I know you don’t let things go easily and that would’ve been no different had there not been some underlying reason. It has also occurred to me that, you are messaging me, which at first was peculiar, because from what I’ve heard, you hate me and aren’t the type to do what you’re being accused of And, the last thing I’ve noticed is that I get the feeling back, I pick up on something, isn’t it strange how when we met up that one day that everything seemed to go right back to before? Or was that just my imagination?
Honestly, I wouldn’t have lasted very long without you being by my side and you should probably know that even if we’re fighting, I will always have your back, and you’ll always have someone to lean on with me around. I think I’ve mentioned this before, that I’ve only wanted what is best for your safety, I can recall quite a number of times that I helped you out, even if it put me in an uncomfortable or painful spot, but I’d gladly do it to make you happy. Honestly, I love you. I've loved you since the moment I met you, and even after all the bullshit I still do.
Love from, Sophie Jane Murphy & Cassidy Rose Smith’
“I think she’s going to kill herself, you need to get over here, now.” I say, holding my breath, hoping she still alive
The Truth never lies
I enter his room, “heard from her?” I ask, hoping she had contacted someone, anyone.
“No, I’ve tried calling, goes to voicemail” He says, the worry in his voice is sharp and pierces me like a knife. He does care for her.
I sit next to him on his bed, “what about you and Em-“ I am cut off.
“Hold up, I’m getting a text.” he says, he opens it and his eyes widen.
“What! Is it Sophie?” I ask; the hope that my best friend had been found alive was rising quickly.
“No, its Emmie.” He says showing me his phone, and a very sexual picture of Emmie.
‘Ugh, will she never learn how to wear clothes?’ I ask myself, disappointed in Sophie’s old best friend, before Timothy and me.
"She gave you everything, risked everything for you and you still chose another over her, she protected you, loved you like no other and did everything in her power to keep you happy, even if it hurt her in the process and yet still she is the one apologising for your mistakes, she'll never quite get over that feeling you gave her, and will probably always fall that little bit for you when she sees you or hears your voice. But now, now she plays games and hides her emotions so she, will never fall and scrape her knee, on the hard ground, which we call 'love' and worse still, she is missing, she could be dead. All because she had no support besides Timothy and myself; you are the father of her child and yet still you fool around with some slut." Clara says, her anger and frustration flowing through each word, she knew she needed to tell him how Sophie really felt.
“I-I didn’t know,” he said, in a sort of whisper, only now realising what he had lost, by his stupid lustful actions.
“She kept all your photos, she got really excited when you messaged, she talked about you endlessly, her love for you was unconditional, obviously. And now, she could leave us for good. Because of your blindness to her love” Clara said, running her hands through her blonde hair and adjusting her thick glasses “I can’t imagine what she must’ve felt when she found out you slept with her, or that you used her...that you hated her. She would’ve gone to the ends for the earth for you, Thomas” A dreaded silence fills the room, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a blade, Clara leaves, almost weeping.
I couldn’t believe what’d just happened, did she really feel this way about me? And had I really been the reason for her to be missing right now? Reading all the hold messages, how could I not see it? I have this urge, this desire to call her again, but I know it won’t make much of a difference; she’s gone. I decide to go and look for her; I needed to find her, and my baby. I drove all over town, I had almost given up, when I arrived, seeing a petite girl hanging off the end of the bridge. Could that be her?
A twist, to end all twists
I’d run away, I couldn’t take it, all I had was my daughter and my two best friends, Clara and Timothy, and I needed more support. I missed him; I knew he didn’t miss me though, as I stood, facing over the bridge, ready to jump at any given moment. I look down, at my now bulging stomach; I can end my own life, fine but my baby’s? How could I? As I stand on the edge of the bridge, leaning over the river that I am about to plunge to my ultimate fate, my baby kicks, one of my hands moves onto my stomach, I am now holding on to the bridge with one hand while my other hand is over my stomach “Shh Cassidy, its okay. I’m right here”